The Tranquility of Servitude
by INMH
Summary: Zachariah speaks with Rachel. Set in Season 4, pre-4.20, the Rapture.


The Tranquility of Servitude

Rating: PG/K+

Genre: General/Drama

Summary: Zachariah speaks with Rachel. Set in Season 4, pre-4.20, the Rapture.

Author's Note: …Juuuust kinda hit me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. It belongs to Eric Kripke. The title comes from an excerpt of a quote from Samuel Adams.

()()

Rachel thinks she might be in trouble.

For what, she has no idea.

But she has been summoned, alone, to meet with Zachariah, and that is almost never a good thing. Zachariah is a fairly recent addition to their garrison, taking the place of the fallen, missing Anael, their demanding but fair commander. He seems to hold a certain disdain for most of the members of her garrison, but in particular she, Castiel, Balthazar and a few others have gained a sort of specialized spite.

It's no mystery why he holds the garrison at large in contempt; their leader tore out her grace and fell. She was either human or dead now, but she had led them for years, and after the Lucifer Incident, rebellion was not taken lightly. Rachel has not heard as much, but there seems to be an unspoken wariness of her garrison, a possibility that someone else may have picked up whatever drove Anael to fall and was plotting a similar act of defiance.

Zachariah's ire towards Balthazar is no mystery: He's mouthy. He's a weapons specialist, and so he's somewhere in the middle between her rank and Zachariah's. He doesn't like Zachariah, and devotes time to purposefully irritating him at every turn. In particular, he enjoys questioning Zachariah without actually _wording_ the statements as questions, which drives their leader to fury. Balthazar has always seemed to manage to toe the line, though, between 'irritating' and 'worthy of disciplinary actions'.

Rachel has tried, constantly tries, to wonder what she and Castiel have done. Castiel is and always has had a curiosity, a desire to learn. And while he is simplistic, not especially cunning or tricky like Balthazar and Zachariah, it is almost impossible to read what is on his mind at any given moment unless he tells you. Rachel thinks that maybe, just maybe, Zachariah has taken that paranoia about Anael's fall and directed it at Castiel because, unlike the rest of them, Castiel is not easy to predict, not easy to guess what is on his mind.

Rachel cannot think of a single time when she has questioned or been disrespectful, and she _thinks_ that there isn't so much mystery to her that it would intimidate Zachariah, but she can't be sure. If it isn't one of those things, then she can only assume that he is disinclined towards her because she is, in fact, closest to Castiel and Balthazar.

_Unfair_. She thinks. _I haven't done anything. And neither have they; At least, Castiel hasn't. He's a good soldier. He loves God. He is obedient. _

But Zachariah is disagreeable. He is her commander, and she will show him respect, but all she can say is that she never had trouble respecting Anael.

_Blasphemy. She's fallen._

_And before she did, she was a good soldier. Obedient. She loves God._

_Loved God._

_She might still._

_You don't love God and then fall._

Rachel understood that humans often considered it a bad sign when a person started talking to themselves, but humans were not, on the whole, required to keep a certain demeanor. She needs to be respectful. She needs to be obedient. She needs to be a good solider. She needs to love God. And she does all of those things to the best of her ability, the part about loving God coming the easiest.

Sometimes her mind wars with itself. A human would consider it more of an argument, but to Rachel it is a war, because it's a slippery slope of questioning before you fall so far from the path that there is no returning to it. Anael, Lucifer; they learned that the hard way.

Zachariah arrives with the beating of wings on the air.

"Rachel." He's not happy. But that isn't unusual. What _is_ unusual is the fact that he isn't hiding it behind a smile.

"Zachariah." Rachel is straight-backed, attentive, arms folded behind her. She looks straight ahead. Zachariah isn't quite glaring at her, but his expression conveys discontent anyway.

"When did you last speak to Castiel?"

"Two days ago, sir."

"Where?"

"Northridge, California."

"What did you talk about?"

"Nothing of import."

"I'll be the judge of that." He waits for her answer, and Rachel has to think for a bit. Because the conversation was not of any particular importance, she does not recall exactly what it was about. They had been on patrol for demons in the area, and they had spoken to pass the time.

"Humanity," Rachel remembers, "Human peculiarities. What would likely happen to them if Lilith should succeed."

"And what did Castiel have to say about that?" Rachel has to think again because, honestly, she didn't realize she was going to be interrogated over a banal bit of chatter during patrol rounds.

When she does remember, Rachel hesitates a moment longer and chooses her words very, very carefully; she knows that if she doesn't, Zachariah might interpret this the wrong way. But then, he may do so anyway; there are a number of reasons why he is not popular in their garrison.

"Castiel was… Concerned about the fate of the humans if Lilith were to succeed in freeing Lucifer. He was concerned about failing and disappointing our Father. He wants to do everything in his power to stop her."

Rachel stares ahead unblinkingly, does not allow her demeanor to change in any way, shape or form as Zachariah studies her. She hasn't lied… But she has softened Castiel's actual words, because repeating them verbatim to Zachariah would not go well. At the time she blamed it on the fact that Castiel had and has been spending a lot of time with his charge, Dean Winchester; she had teased him a little, saying that he was catching 'humanity' like humans catch colds.

Castiel had smiled at her, but something in his eyes looked troubled when he'd turned away.

She doesn't blame him. They are supposed to have emotions only for God: Love for Him, Wrath for those who oppose Him, sadness for those who turn from Him, etcetera, etcetera. Emotions are not needed beyond base motivation; otherwise, they cloud judgment, support doubts. Emotions must not factor into their work.

When she thinks about it, it doesn't quite seem unnatural that Castiel, who has always been sweet and soft-hearted, would be the one to indentify with the humans the most, close contact with them or not. It seems natural that he would have a deep personal struggle and sadness at the idea of their destruction.

"And that's all?"

"Yes."

"You're certain?"

"If there was more, I would tell you."

Rachel remains perfectly still, expression unchanging, even though she thinks she might have just lied, and her mind starts to war with itself again over the concepts of slippery slopes and where lying to a commander can lead to in the long term.

Zachariah is already inclined to think that everything she tells him is a fabrication, and so she doesn't know if she should be genuinely alarmed when he appears to not believe her.

"Where is he now?"

"I'm not sure."

"You're not?"

"No. My educated guess is that if he is supposed to be somewhere, then that is where he will be." And therefore Zachariah should know where Castiel is, unless he thinks that Castiel has gone off the reservation entirely and abandoned them.

The idea is actually laughable.

"Right." Zachariah says flatly, and once again she gets the strong feeling that she's done something to displease him, even though Rachel is reasonably certain that he has no way of telling if she's lied to him or not, and that almost-lie she told wasn't even really that bad. "Fine. You can go, Rachel. But-" His eyes narrow sharply. "You're not to tell anyone we had this discussion. Especially not Castiel."

_Tell him anyway!_

_**OF COURSE NOT!**_

It's not a war so much as a massacre: The idea of directly defying an order from a superior is tantamount to rebellion, and Rachel cannot- will not- rebel. As much as she does not like Zachariah, she must respect him. She must be obedient. He must have a reason for these questions and his evident concern over Castiel.

"Of course."

Rachel leaves, troubled by the encounter and concerned for Castiel.

Her loyalty to him as a friend is a tiny ant trying to push at the boulder of her loyalties to the Host and her sense of propriety in regards to the natural order: If she is given a command, she follows it. Anything else is rebellion. Rebellion is wrong. She must be obedient.

…Even if it bodes badly for Castiel. Because maybe he is becoming troubled due to his adoption of extended compassion for humanity, and maybe he does need to be pulled back towards the bigger picture, the bigger job that must be done. Maybe that is what he needs.

It is pure happenstance that, when she rejoins her garrison, Balthazar is there; he was supposed to be in New York. "It's good to see you," She says. "I didn't know you would be here."

Balthazar's smile is brief, solely for her sake. "Zachariah wanted to talk to me."

Rachel feels cold. "What about?"

Balthazar lies, but he doesn't have to hide it. "Nothing."

Rachel feels badly, and then forces herself to forget about it.

Neither she nor Balthazar will fully understand this until just over a year passes, when Castiel returns to heaven and Zachariah is long dead.

-End


End file.
